Day 23

Today we have an allegory.

THE OUTSIDER

Ashely watched the window, waiting for the lights to go out. It was her third day here, and still she couldn’t get inside. She watched the windows all day, hoping for some clue to show her the door, but the lights came on and went off, people moved around inside, and no one ever came in or out through any opening. The windows were unbreakable; she’d already tried that means. The doors, if there were any, were so secret they could not be seen from the outside.

The first day she came, she stood outside and shouted the password. She knew it was the correct password; it had been given to her by a reliable source, an insider, and she heard others say it when they wanted to enter. No one seemed to notice, except one small boy, and he just laughed. The doors remained closed, shutting her out while the others entered.

Her friend, the insider, hadn’t been seen since that day in the café when he’d whispered the password and handed her the badge and the passport that were supposed to gain her admittance. She’d gone by his house, and found a wife frantic with worry.

“He hasn’t come home. He hasn’t called. I can’t reach him.” Rayanne was nearly in tears.

Ashley assured her it was probably just one of those hush jobs, and he would be home as soon as possible, but she was worried. She knew Mark’s work wasn’t dangerous, and it wasn’t confidential, so his failure to come home concerned her at least as much as it did Rayanne. She watched the window, hoping to catch sight of him passing by on one of his many errands, but it was difficult to distinguish one form from another. They appeared as shadows, vague and formless, bustling from one important place to another important place.

The lights were about to flicker off for the night. She ducked behind a bush, and stared at the building with intense concentration. How to get inside? Passwords and passports notwithstanding, she hadn’t even gotten close. This was one of the most heavily guarded zones, and she was dying to enter. She belonged her, she could feel it. She had a right to be here. She had paid her dues, the check had been cashed, and still they refused to acknowledge her presence.

 Mark had suggested she stop the check at the bank.

“No”, she told him. “I want in. I want what is my right.”

That was when he gave her the password, and the paperwork. She knew when he whispered that there might be consequences, but she hadn’t expected him to disappear. This was more serious than she had realized. There were serious people trying to keep her out. Why? What exactly did they do in there?

She let down her guard for a second while she thought about Mark and worried about where he might have gone. She almost missed it when the man in the gray suit entered, pressing a small button on the east side of the wall near the hydrangea bush. The wall opened up and almost before she could see, he had been swallowed by the building, his gray suit merging with the gray wall.

The wall loomed large in front of her as she explored carefully for the exact spot where he had pressed the button. She crowed with delight when her fingers encountered the small nub, so nondescript it blended into the gray stucco. She pressed the button, and when the light flashed, spoke the password in a deep baritone she’d practiced for hours. The wall swung open. She stepped one step, then another, and the wall closed after her. She was inside.

The edifice didn’t look much more impressive from the inside than from the outside. It was still gray and blotchy, just like the exterior walls, but here there was a hum, a buzz of activity. This is where it was happening…where everything was happening. She was on the inside, and she intended to stay.

While she hesitated in the entryway, a loud alarm sounded, a siren blaring throughout the entire compound. Warnings were shouted over a hidden loudspeaker, warnings about…someone intruding. Someone breaking in. They meant her!

“I should hide”, she thought, looking around for likely spots. “No, I shouldn’t. I have a right to be here. They can’t make me leave.”

The entire place had burst into life around her. Men were running everywhere, up and down, in doors and out doors, buzzing through the hallway shouting at each other to hurry up, to move fast or they would be invaded. Ashley smiled. Such a silly thought. As though one smallish woman could do much to harm all these men with their important jobs and their important titles. She watched them circle her several times, not noticing her in spite of the fact that they looked right at her. They were so busy in their attention to finding her that they were not able to find her at all.

Ashley moved with assurance through the hallways. Already she had figured out the lay of the land, and understood what she needed to do and where she needed to go. This place wasn’t really that mysterious at all. She had all the maps in her head, she knew how to navigate the landscape, and now she would not be stopped. She made her way to the end of her hallway…her hallway, the place she belonged, the place she had paid her dues to enter…and turned the knob on her door. A small desk waited for her, set up and ready for her use. A telephone, an inbox, an outbox, all the things she would need to be a fully functional member of the community.

The buzzing continued outside her door, the frantic search for the interloper, the shouts of the loudspeaker, the blare of the siren announcing her presence, but she ignored all the noise. She was part of this world now, and she wasn’t going to be thrust out just when she had gained entry.

A muffled sound disturbed her reverie. She flung open the door that connected her office to the next, and discovered Mark, tied to his chair and gagged. She rushed to undo his fetters, and discovered that he had been tortured. He collapsed against her, and she eased him into his seat again while she rushed to get him water.

Once he had gulped the water, he was able to tell his story. He had been followed. The security brigade had realized he had given her the password, but didn’t realize she didn’t know the secret to opening the door. He had not given her that information, because he wanted to make sure she was worthy of entering the fortress. She had passed the test.

Ashley glared at Mark. “Why did you treat me like that? Why didn’t you just come open the door? I had done what I was supposed to do. I wasn’t asking to be let in for nothing.”

Mark shrugged. “It’s just…you don’t know how hard it is! It’s…different, that’s all. Different…they’re not ready. Listen to them out there…they’re scared. They’re frantic. Just…go home for now, and in a few days, I’ll persuade them, and they’ll let you in themselves. Don’t force things, Ashley. Let things happen. Please?”

His eyes pleaded, but Ashley was firm. No, she wasn’t going to wait. She had waited, and worked, and done all the preliminary work. She had the password, and the passport, and now she had the secret of entry. She was staying. “If I wait until they let me in”, she reasoned, “I’ll be sitting around out there forever.”

The noise was starting to dissipate as the men tired of the search and destroy mission, and moved back to their stations. The siren continued to blare, but it was not as loud, nor as often. Mark looked around her office, a new space, one all her own. She had moved into his world, and he was proud.

 “I did good, didn’t I?” Mark asked her.

He never did quite understand why she slugged him.