Day 4
For the fourth day of Women's History Month, I give you a short play. Although I am not a huge fan of the 10-minute play, I find that some stories fit nicely into that category, and it's certainly much better for a setting like this than one that lasts 2 hours! Enjoy.
THE MESSAGE
AN ALLEGORY IN ONE ACT
CAST
FLEPSS Male Terpisian, Doctor
WOLLODIN Female Terpisian, Patient
SCHMUZ Male Terpisian, Husband
NOONIN Male Terpisian, Shaman
PLACE
The Planet Terpis, somewhere in the outer reaches of the Andromeda Galaxy
TIME
The 30th century after the great bedevilment, when Melcro is Almighty Leader and Catcher of Fish
SETTING: An emergency room at the Family Hospital in Outer Ring City, Terpis. Late evening of the first night of the Holy Festival of the Fish Lord. An examining table, some scary shiny instruments, and a desk shaped vaguely like a salmon, the sort of salmon that might be created by Salvador Dali (the greatest surrealist trout of all Terpis).
FLEPSS is seated at his desk working at his computer. A tinkle of bells lets him know that someone has entered. He rises to greet his patient, WOLLODIN, and her husband, SCHMUZ. WOLLODIN is pregnant, and walks doubled over.
SCHMUZ
Help my wife, Dr. Flepss. She’s in terrible pain.
FLEPSS
Where does it hurt, Ms. Wollodin?
WOLLODIN
Everywhere! But mostly…right here, in my stomach.
FLEPSS
Has there been any blood?
SCHMUZ
Tons of blood. So much blood, I’m afraid she might die.
Blood is pouring from WOLLODIN onto the floor.
FLEPSS
Can you get onto the examining table?...Help me lift her.
FLEPSS and SCHMUZ lift WOLLODIN onto the examining table.
FLEPSS
This won’t hurt a bit…
WOLLODIN shrieks in pain.
FLEPSS
…well, maybe a bit.
SCHMUZ
Is she going to be all right? Tell me she’ll be all right!
FLEPSS
Shh. I have to be able to hear her vital signs.
FLEPSS examines WOLLODIN.
WOLLODIN
Am I going to lose my baby?
FLEPSS
Try to stay calm. I’ll do everything I can to save the baby.
SCHMUZ paces.
FLEPSS
Could you please sit down? You’re making me nervous.
SCHMUZ
I’m so sorry…I’m just…I can’t sit still.
FLEPSS
Then go outside, please. I need to be calm.
SCHMUZ exits just as NOONIN enters.
NOONIN
Dr. Flepss!
FLEPSS
I thought I told you to leave…oh, excuse me, Father Noonin, I didn’t see you come in.
NOONIN
Flepss, I heard that a pregnant female was brought into this room. Why was I not notified?
FLEPSS
She just arrived, your reverence. I haven’t had time to notify anyone yet.
NOONIN
You know the rules. You are to notify proper clerical authorities before you proceed with any examination. I must be present for any procedure you perform.
FLEPSS
Yes, of course. I haven’t performed any procedures yet, I have merely taken her vital signs.
NOONIN
Where is the husband?
FLEPSS
I sent him out. He was making me nervous.
NOONIN
He must be in here. That is the law.
NOONIN goes to the exit, and fetches SCHMUZ, who follows him back on.
WOLLODIN
Ohhhhhhh!
FLEPSS
Hold on, I’m going to give you something for the pain.
NOONIN
What is in that injection? Has that been approved by the high priesthood of the Fish Lord?
FLEPSS
Yes, sir. This is authorized pain killers that will help relieve her suffering.
NOONIN
Will it harm the unborn child?
FLEPSS
No, it has been determined to be perfectly safe. No risks.
Noise from outside. Cheering and shouting.
SCHMUZ
What…what’s all that noise? Make it stop!
NOONIN
That is the opening celebrations of the Holy Festival of the Fish Lord. It must not stop. Are you not aware of the religious importance of this festival, Mr….Mr….
SCHMUZ
Schmuz…I’m Mr. Schmuz. Yes, of course, I’m very devout, but…I’m mostly worried about my wife.
NOONIN
Of course, of course. You have no more to worry about. She is in the hands of the Fish Lord now. We must allow his will to work its course.
WOLLODIN
Schmuz…hold me…I’m scared.
SCHMUZ
I’m here….Doctor, is she going to be all right?
FLEPSS
It’s too soon to tell. I need to check the fetus.
NOONIN
Pray with me, children.
FLEPSS begins to gather instruments on a tray. NOONIN grabs the hands of WOLLODIN and SCHMUZ. He bows his head. They bow their heads.
NOONIN
Oh, might fish lord, keeper of bounty, ruler of the infinite sea, look down on your children and have mercy. Deliver the child and the parents to the other side of this dark abyss, and protect them from sharks as they face this turbulence in their life. Your will be done, oh, great one.
SCHMUZ
Your will be done.
WOLLODIN
Ohhhh!
NOONIN
Amen.
WOLLODIN
Ohhhh!
FLEPSS steps to the table, and SCHMUZ and NOONIN move aside to let him get near. He fiddles with the instruments, selects one, presses it against WOLLODIN’S abdomen and flips a switch. A buzz fills the room. He listens briefly, then selects a second instrument and places it against her abdomen. He flips a switch, and a light gleams around the instrument. He notes something on a note pad and flips off the instruments. The buzz ends.
FLEPPS
Hmmmm.
SCHMUZ
What is it, doctor? Is she all right?
FLEPSS
I’m afraid this is serious. I must remove the embr…
NOONIN
Do not say that word!
FLEPSS
….sorry…the child from her womb prematurely.
NOONIN
Are you suggesting…abort the pregnancy?
FLEPSS
I’m afraid that is the only way to save the woman’s life.
SCHMUZ
If it will save my wife…do it.
WOLLODIN
Ohhhh!
NOONIN
Is the child still alive?
FLEPSS
Yes…but barely. It will not live long. The heart beat is nearly non-existent, so faint I can hardly pick it up. She has ruptured, and must have surgery.
WOLLODIN
Ohhhh!
SCHMUZ
Hold on, honey. The doctor is going to help.
NOONIN
I forbid the surgery.
FLEPSS
What? The woman will die!
NOONIN
It is absolutely forbidden to remove any child that still has an existing heart beat.
FLEPSS
If I don’t act immediately, the woman will die.
NOONIN
If there is a heart beat, you will do no surgery.
SCHMUZ
My wife is bleeding to death! Do something!
FLEPSS
Father Noonin, I must have permission to save the woman. If I do not do surgery now, both the woman and the child will die. If I do surgery, I can save one life.
NOONIN
It is strictly forbidden. You will anger the Fish Lord, especially since it is the first night of the Holy Festival. Such blasphemy must not be permitted.
SCHMUZ
No! The Fish Lord is good. He is merciful. He would not want a woman to die…please, doctor, operate.
FLEPSS
I cannot operate if the church forbids it.
SCHMUZ
You don’t have to follow their orders! You have your Salmoncratic Oath!
FLEPSS
I’m afraid I can’t…without their permission, my instruments will not work. The electricity will not be turned on unless the operation is authorized.
SCHMUZ
Father Noonin, you can’t just let her die. She’s…she’s the best friend, the best lover, the best wife a man could have. I can’t live without her.
NOONIN
We must not sacrifice a helpless child merely for our own convenience.
SCHMUZ
Convenience? It’s her life.
FLEPSS
Father, the time grows short. Every minute that passes…she is losing too much blood.
WOLLODIN
Ohhhhhh!
NOONIN
Check the heart beat, doctor.
FLEPSS uses the instruments again; still a buzz, still a light.
FLEPSS
The heart still beats.
NOONIN
The child is alive. There will be no surgery.
FLEPSS
If we wait until the child dies, I am afraid the mother will die, as well.
SCHMUZ
Please, father. We can have more children, if you let her live.
WOLLODIN
Ohhhhh!
SCHMUZ
Wollodin! My beautiful, precious, unique gem…I won’t let them do this to you!
NOONIN
Hold her hand, Mr. Schmuz. Pray to the Fish Lord for deliverance.
WOLLODIN
Ohhhhh!
NOONIN
Her sin must be great indeed to suffer such mighty pain.
WOLLODIN
Ohhh!
FLEPSS
Stand aside, both of you.
FLEPSS picks up an instrument from the tray.
FLEPSS
I am going to do surgery the old fashioned way…manual instruments.
SCHMUZ steps aside. NOONIN flings himself over WOLLODIN to prevent the doctor from coming near. SCHMUZ pulls NOONIN off. They struggle on the floor, rolling over and over, while FLEPSS begins surgery.
FLEPSS
Stay over there, gentlemen. Don’t roll into me. This is a very delicate operation.
FLEPSS makes an incision as WOLLODIN moans. He reaches down into the incision and removes bloody tissue. A Daliesque fish descends from the ceiling and watches the procedure. None of them notice. FLEPSS begins to stitch up the incision as SCHMUZ makes one last effort and restrains NOONIN. He holds NOONIN down as the doctor finishes his surgery.
FLEPSS
You can release him now. The surgery is finished.
SCHMUZ
Is she going to be all right?
FLEPSS
She will live.
NOONIN
You killed the child! You will never work in this hospital, or this town again. In fact, I will make sure you never work anywhere in Terpis again.
FLEPSS
I could not let a woman die just to please centuries old dogma…I resign.
SCHMUZ
Thank you, doctor, for saving my wife.
WOLLODIN
Am I…dead?
SCHMUZ
No, my dear, you are alive…thanks to the bravery of the doctor.
The fish begins to speak, a disembodied voice coming from all around. At the sound, NOONIN, SCHMUZ, WOLLODIN, and FLEPSS all look upward and discover the fish.
FISH
This is my doctor, in whom I am well pleased.
NOONIN
Oh, mighty one, of Fish Lord, you cannot mean that…this doctor has killed one of your own precious souls.
FISH
I find it difficult to believe that you all have been so stupid and murderous as to allow the death of women for the mere purpose of saving a child that will die anyway. Do you not realize the living women are important?
NOONIN
It is the place of women to bear young.
FISH
Even if that were the only purpose of women…how could dead women bear young? You are hereby terminated, Noonin. You do not speak for me. Now leave.
NOONIN exits.
FISH
I need a new prophet to carry the appropriate message throughout Terpis. I think I will appoint you.
SCHMUZ
Me?
FISH
No, of course not. I’m tired of males mucking up my message by making it all about them. It’s time for a new voice…Wollodin, do you accept the role of prophet?
WOLLODIN
I am honored, oh mighty Fish Lord. But how will I know what to say?
FISH
That’s easy. Just…make it up. That’s what the men always did.
END OF PLAY