I must confess to turning a little teary as I wrote tonight. I am remembering a woman, a great woman, a woman I am proud to have known, proud to be related to. So tonight, a tribute.

DEAR GRANDMA

 Dear Grandma. It’s been a long time since I’ve written you a letter. You deserve better. I shouldn’t stop writing just because you’ve died and I’ve grown old. You gave me so much, and I think it’s time I said thank you. It is because of you that I am who I am…and, I guess, when you think about it, it’s because of you that I am.

When I had no female role models in my home, I could look up to you. You taught me courage. You had the courage to stand up for what you believed in, and make the world respect you. That wasn’t easy for a woman of your generation. The world they showed you wasn’t much. The life of a woman was just background. Who even noticed? But you were noticed. You were seen. You were loved. And you were remembered. Not just as a mother, not just as a wife, though you fulfilled those roles admirably. You were remembered as a teacher, as a musician, as a force of nature.

When I didn’t know if I could do it, you bolstered me. You always knew I could, and you told me so. If you were the swearing type, you would probably have told me “don’t let the bastards break you”. But you couldn’t say that, so you told me in a thousand different ways. You shared stories of where you felt you could have been stronger, and I now realize they weren’t just stories, they were lessons. They were encouragement. You were asking me to learn from your mistakes, so I wouldn’t have to make them myself.

When no one else believed in my, you did. You saw a future for me that was more than I saw for myself. I saw that future in your eyes when you looked at me. I heard it in your voice when you talked to me. You wanted more for me, more than you had. You told me about choices. I didn’t know I had choices; my life had taught me little about a woman’s choices. It was from you that I got the idea I could do the things I wanted, that I could be who I chose.

When no one else would fight for me, you did. You fought for me before you knew I existed. You fought for me, for my siblings, for my mother even though she was not your daughter. You fought for every woman out there, because you believed we should all have the opportunities you wished you had. You wanted me to live and be happy, and you were willing to fight to make that happen. The world didn’t agree with you, but you stood your ground.

Over the years, as I have aged through many changes, through a world that always plans to do better soon, that is always on the verge of a seismic shift, that is always one step away from…whatever the cause we are fighting for today…I have realized that I am not alone. You are always with me. You are holding me up. You are in front of the classroom as I teach, standing with me. You are looking through the microscope with me. Your hands are with mine on the keyboard as I type, my own version of Heart and Soul, even though I never achieved the greatness with another type of keyboard that you were able to attain. Your music…my words…our spirit. We are one. We are strong because we are together.

And behind us, there is a long line of women like us, women who dreamed, women who believed, women who fought. Ahead of us, stretching toward infinity, is a long line of women who will carry on after we are gone, who will not know us, will not remember us, but for whom we will leave a legacy…and, if things go as we wish, we will leave opportunities that exceed those we have had. You did that for me; I hope I can do it for the next one in line.

Dear Grandma, I promise I will do what I can to live up to your legacy, and to continue the work you had to leave behind. At last I realize, though, that you did not leave me behind when you died. It was impossible for you to do that, because I carry you with me everywhere I go. For that, I thank you.