Today I have an essay, inspired by a recent conversation. What is sexism? How do we know? And why do women spend all that time and money on fashion magazines, anyway? And that isn’t a sexist statement because it is true. So today, we will look at women and fashion.

FASHION AND THE FEMININE NEED TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION

When a woman tells you something is sexist, should you accept that it is, even if it doesn’t seem it to you? What if it is true? Does that make it not sexist? That’s a loaded question, really. After all, not all women agree on what is sexist. Some women might be more sensitive to sexism than others. Some things that seem sexist on the surface might just be fact if you dig deeper.

Most of us have friends in both sexes. We hang around with them, chat with them, maybe work with them, and we learn their habits. We know them. We might start to notice patterns, and once we notice those patterns, we will likely see others. Some of these patterns may differentiate when you compare your male friends with your female friends. Some of those patterns you see might fit stereotypes. How do you know if they are true?

Once we have found a pattern, we will start to see it everywhere. There are several major things we forget once we know what we are seeing. A major one is that our friends are not a representative sample. They are usually hanging around with us because they have things in common with us. They are a small group of chosen people who like each other, and they do not represent a cross section of humanity.

Another thing we find difficult to realize is that we may be wrong. We filter our perceptions through our own experiences, and through our own biases. We attribute motives to people’s actions that may not be the real motives. We look for patterns; humans are definitely a pattern seeking species. So when we see a pattern that we are sure is there, when it conforms to previously learned (even if rejected) stereotypes, when it seems so very factual because we have data (even though we don’t), we forget that it is possible for us to be wrong. Nothing will change our minds. We may pontificate to friends about these things we’ve noticed. We may argue with other people – friends, enemies, or strangers – online and not accept any of their comments that they have not seen this pattern, or that they have seen the opposite patterns. We will not accept that our comments are sexist (or racist, or any other form of bigotry you wish to fill in). We will not accept that it is possible we are wrong.

Fashion is one area where people are tempted to attribute motives to women that may be faulty. A lot of women (far from all) like to dress up, including make up and high heels. We can attribute this to many motives, but each woman has her own motives, of course. So what if we say that women dress up so they can be the center of attention, while men prefer to conform, to fit in with the crowd? Is this a sexist comment? But what if it’s true? Let’s talk briefly about the history of fashion before we come back to that.

Fashion has been around for a long time. People have used clothing and accessories to make themselves more attractive, to show off wealth, or perhaps to express who they are. Colors, styles, skirt lengths, heel heights, change with a rapidity that can leave your head spinning. Women are ‘known’ to desire the latest fashion, whatever is ‘in’ this week. (Conformity, perhaps? Seems like it to me, but I’ve been told it is the men who conform where clothes are concerned.) Men prefer more sedate clothes, more muted colors, to blend in with the crowd. This seems to support the comment that women dress up.

Has it always been that way, though? If you look at clothing throughout history, through many ages of history, the men have dressed as flashy as the women, sometimes more so. In some eras, neither sex dressed flashy; the Puritans come to mind. The Amish are a good contemporary example. If you look at images from Tudor and Stewart periods, drawn mostly from painting of the era, you will notice that men dress in rather striking clothes, and often wear bright colors…the wealthy and powerful men, anyway. Women’s clothes were also showy…again, with the wealthy and powerful.

By Victorian times, men’s clothes were somewhat less colorful, and the styles were a much less flamboyant cut. Still, they were a far cry from the basic business suit of the 1950s, and pictures of that era show a definite eye to style. Ruffled shirts under jackets with a long tail; high hats…these are not clothes to blend in, they are clothes to stand out. Women’s fashions at that time were also often showy, with enormous skirts, corsets, and elaborate hair and make up.

One thing that can be said about these clothing styles…they were not designed for working. Since most people in any age were working people, perhaps we might consider the more humble people, the ones who had a lot to do with their day and didn’t have time to go around slapping other men with their gloves to challenge them to fight. Women might have worn colorful gowns, but they were often much simpler. They needed to be, because the women were working. They often worked beside their men in the fields, and housework in that era was much more arduous and physical. Hauling wood and water, building fires in stoves that didn’t have pilot lights, washing dishes and clothes without running water…these women wore clothes which allowed them to do these things. The men also dressed for hard work.

So how did it become a ‘universal fact’ that women are dressy, showy, and colorful, while men dress in bland colors without ruffling, fluting, or other bold cuts? Is it the desire of women to be the center of attention? Or was something else at work? Why do women now believe they must change fashions every year? At least, those who believe that, which don’t include anyone in my circle. We are practical, and wear our clothes until they aren’t able to be worn anymore. Our clothes are designed for our work, our type of recreation, and our type of housework, not for turning men’s heads. So what about the women who do dress that way?

The current habit of changing fashions every year, and also of making women believe they must dress to the nines was a deliberate, perhaps even cynical, move. There were two men, Edward Bernays and Ivy Lee, in the PR business, who came up with the idea of planned obsolescence, though the term wasn’t used until much later. In a pure marketing move, they convinced clothing manufacturers to change the styles on a regular basis…every year…and they used advertising to sell the idea that women needed to follow fashion if they weren’t going to be an outcast, not fit for decent society. Their campaign worked, and was popular with manufacturers and designers who made lots more money if they could convince people to buy more stuff.

Their campaign coincided nicely with an era where women were gaining leisure time by having labor-saving devices, and the middle class was growing as people gained disposable income. Bored women with less to do than their mothers had more time for fashion, and more money. The early twentieth century saw an explosion of planned obsolescence in many areas, but no industry managed to match the fashion industry…until the electronics industry, but that’s another story.

After a generation, the advertising didn’t need to sell the idea to women; their mothers passed that on. Classes, magazines, radio shows, posters…all these things showed women they were meant to dress fancy, and to never be seen dead in last year’s fashions. Women began to view femininity as tied to high heels, make up, and hair dos, which also changed with the season. Jewelry was needed to accessorize all of these fashions.

Flash forward to today. Many women are still locked in the believe system that being a woman has certain characteristics, and that chief among them is proper dressing. High heels deform women’s feet, as surely as foot binding. Color and style still grace all the women’s magazines, and clothes are a tool for showing how much woman you are. Many women literally feel naked if they appear in public without make up (for me, it’s my watch…I must have that timepiece around my wrist to feel fully dressed). Many swear they do it only for themselves, that they enjoy it, and no doubt they do. But why? Why do they ENJOY shoes that hurt their feet and clothes that limit their freedom?

Women often dress for men; that is true no matter how much they tell you they are doing it for themselves. But even more often, women dress for other women. There is a certain satisfaction in looking better turned out and more stylish than the woman beside you. There have been a few times in my life I’ve felt that, so I understand, but I am usually the woman who is standing beside you…and mostly I don’t care. I am who I am, and have adopted my own fashion statement which involves hats and scarves, and I love asymmetrical lines. Is that for my own enjoyment? After all this time, I can finally say yes. I dress how I want to dress. Do I tend to stand out? If you are wearing a hat when no one else is, yes, you will stand out. But that isn’t why I do it. I am not one who loves standing out…but in some ways, it is a matter of therapy for an introvert with agoraphobia. The moment I put on that hat, especially days when I wear my yellow or my orange hat, I cannot hide. That’s good for me, but I do have to say, I am not fond of being the center of attention.

A lot of women avoid being the center of attention. Studies have shown that women often work to make themselves smaller and quieter in public places. They speak less, their body language is less confident, and they in general tend to yield the floor to males. Males don’t dress to be the center of attention; they don’t need to. Male competition is between males, so you may have the cool kid versus the geek, but they are not competing with women in many settings. Women are competing not only with other women, but with men. If they dress wrong, they will fail. They must meet the expectations not only of the men they work with or for, they must also meet the expectations of the women. It’s a minefield.

In addition, many places have dress codes. I’m fortunate that most the places I worked in my life haven’t had rigid dress codes, and I had a lot of freedom. For a lot of women, going to work in flats, or with no make up, or with trousers, could mean loss of status, and even their job. Many women have had to go to battle with their employers to wear shoes that were suited to their position, such as airline attendants, where women were required to wear high heels in spite of the fact that most of their time they are on their feet.

Given the reality of women’s lives, it is fair to say that yes, it is sexist to say that women dress to be the center of attention. I think it is fair to say this is not a true statement, at least not for the majority of women. It is sexist to interpret a friend’s pleasure at being noticed to wanting to be the center of attention; women spend much of their life ignored, passed over, condescended to, interrupted, and so on that they will enjoy what notice they get.

Understanding not only women (and recognizing we are not monolithic, any more than men are) but history can help prevent you from making such statements, or at least can help you realize the possibility that you may be wrong. Women…and men…throughout the ages have dressed in flashy clothes…if they are rich enough to afford them, and want to show off their wealth. In the modern world, this flashiness can be had on a much lower budget, so poorer women have joined the parade. But it is not innate, it is not unique to women, and it is not to be the center of attention. For most women, wearing the wrong clothes means you are not feminine. For many women, that means you are not a woman. They wear the clothes they do because they are women, and they need to clothes to continue to believe that they are.

So next time you want to make that stereotypical generalization, you might stop and ask yourself if you should think before you open your mouth. That is, unless you want to be sexist. Then go ahead. We’re better off knowing who you are.