Day 11

I had time to think over my column today, during a long, boring drive with only my cat to talk to…she talked back, a lot, but none of it was coherent to me. I imagine it meant something to her. Meanwhile, I stared at the road, kept my hands clenched around the wheel, watched the sky change from sunrise to sunset, and thought about my column. The result is an essay on a topic I return to frequently.

MEN WORK, WOMEN WORK

My mother used to have a wall hanging that said “A man may work from sun to sun but woman’s work is never done”. When I was a kid, I didn’t quite understand it. I liked it, mostly because it rhymed. I think seven year olds have a natural affinity for doggerel, and it was funny to me.

Time passed. By the time I was a teenager, I understood it, and I believed it. Not because of my mother, necessarily, but because it fit a lot of the women I knew. My grandmother, for instance. My teachers, who went home after a full day of work to cook and clean and launder and take care of their kids, many of whom were my classmates. Me; I went to school, worked an after school job, and had chores. Meanwhile, my father and my brothers worked outside, which was nicer, and were done with sunset. While they played cribbage or watched TV, my sisters and I still had the dishes to do. Saturdays there was laundry, and every day there were floors to be swept and things to be put away. If we didn’t do it (and sometimes we didn’t), it didn’t get done.

I grew up in a time when women were fighting against this double shift for women when there wasn’t similar for men. I joined the fight as soon as I was old enough to understand it and participate. We were earnest, very earnest. We were dedicated. And we were sure that by the time our daughters and granddaughters grew to maturity, they would have equity with men not only in the boardroom, but in the kitchen. We were wrong.

The problem continues. I still see columns and books about it, and occasionally there will be panel discussions or committees. What I don’t see is change. There is talk…and a lot less of that than there was forty years ago. There is more talk. And still more talk. Meanwhile, men are handling a larger share of the chores, but still far below what is being done by women, though most men believe they are doing equivalent. In addition, the men often seize the fun chores (I know, fun chores, what an oxymoron, right?) I have mentioned this before, possibly even this year, but it is something that continues to need to be said.

I also often hear things I thought we would have passed beyond by now. “He makes more than you, because he has to take care of a family.” Really? Eighty percent of the families living below poverty level are headed by women, who are the wage earners and the child raisers. I wonder why? No, just kidding. I don’t. When a single mother making less than a single man with no kids hears that, you know why women are more likely to be living in poverty. In addition, there is often still a perception that women work for ‘extras’. Frills, perhaps. Buttons and bows as the old saying goes.

A substantial percentage of working women, most of them in fact, work out of need. They may want to work, but even if they didn’t want to, they have to. They may be the sole wage earner, even if there is a man in the house. They may be a second wage earner, with a husband or partner making money also, but their money is usually much more than ‘extras’. It requires both of them to keep the family fed, clothed, and housed. Her job is not less important than his.

There is also still a tendency to dismiss ‘women’s work’. This is the sort of work that is nurturing and care giving. Women work in other fields, of course. As a scientist, I certainly wouldn’t try to deny this. But those fields are not considered ‘women’s work’, even when women are doing them. Jobs that are called ‘women’s work’ are widely disregarded, tending to be low pay, low prestige, hard, long hours jobs. Pink collar, indeed. Women clean toilets, wash laundry, watch other people’s kids, perform as the nurses who do much more of the patient care than the doctors, and many other jobs. Food service. Administrative assistants. Retail. Flight attendants. All of these are care-giving jobs, and all are dominated by women. Even professional jobs that are designated as ‘women’s work’ tend to have a helping, care-giving component. Nursing, of course, already mentioned. Librarians. Occupational therapists. Veterinarians. Psychologists. School teachers. Do I need to go on? You could probably add dozens more to the list.

But women are naturally nurturing, you might exclaim. That’s why they get those jobs. Okay, maybe they are. If so, you’re going to need some real data to prove it to me, because none of the women who shaped my life were nurturing, naturally or otherwise. That includes me, by the way. I raised my son, and did my best, and tried to nurture. He turned out okay, probably because I didn’t screw up too much, not because I did so much right.

Let’s accept, for just a moment, that women are naturally nurturing. I’ll play along with you. It might be true, after all. So what? That might explain why women are in the care giving jobs…but it doesn’t explain why those jobs are so devalued. After all, they are needed to continue the wellbeing of our species. Without food, clothing, and shelter, we all perish. Someone needs to tend to that, and babies are born defenseless. Someone has to feed them. Someone has to clean them. Someone has to look after them.

We recognize that, somewhat. We have all sorts of recognitions…teachers’ days, secretaries’ days, nurses’ days, administrative assistants’ days…where we hand out cards, candy, and flowers to hard working women to avoid giving them what is really needed. They need our respect, and they need a decent salary. They are working as hard as the men, in jobs that are often degrading and humiliating (see cleaning toilets above). They are raising families, and rely on their wages. We ignore them 364 days out of every year, then honor them with tokens on “their” day, then go back to ignoring them, except when we need them to do something for us.

Yes, now I understand that message that hung on my mother’s wall all those years ago. I have lived it. I have seen other women live it. Studies have demonstrated that women live it. The only thing I haven’t seen is a change substantial enough to change the slogan. As one woman put it, she worked from son up  to son down.